Ponderings and Decisions

So I am going to step back for a little bit here and explain the thought processes I have been going through for the last few days. Ever since Caye Caulker I have been suffering from feelings of futility about traveling. I am not really doing anything productive and I am just going from place to place not doing anything of any significance. I am just spending money doing things I could do in the states, although for a little bit less money (Belize is still kind of expensive, especially for Central America). I am not really meeting too many people, although I am mostly to blame for this due to my introversion and shyness.

I am finding it hard to motivate myself to really do anything. I enjoy doing things when I actually do them but would rather have a friend along to appreciate them with. It is hard for me to form close friendships with people and that on top of how difficult it is for me to talk to and meet new people isn't making this as fun of a travel experience as I thought it would be. I seem to be doing a lot of the things I normally do at home, so I am coming back to the states waaaaaaaaay early.

This is kind of difficult for me, since now I will have to find something new to try and be passionate about. I thought independent travel would hold more significance for me than it is and I am feeling like a quitter since I am coming back after only a week (I kept telling myself to go at least two weeks, but I am sure that I would regret it if I had to spend a few more days to just biding my time, waiting to go home).

I definitely want to travel some more, but it will be less open ended travel. I will go to places where there are natural wonders or historical landmarks that I would like to visit more, rather than going somewhere because it is cheap. I will also have a clearly defined return date and I will hopefully be able to find a friend or two who would like to accompany me on journeys. I would also sign up for working with an NGO or other organization for a week or two to start my trip so that I would actually feel as though I am accomplishing something (most NGO's have limited slots which are usually booked for a month or two in advance, so I can't just show up and expect them to have room for me to volunteer).



*Edit* I have come to regret my decision already to head back to the states (even though I haven't left Belize yet). Unfortunately I have already bought my ticket, but I plan on traveling again soon after working and saving up a bit more money. Thanks to all who have supported me and read this blog.


Okay, enough with my whining. On with describing my activities.

The day after the Barton Creek trip, I woke up and hung out in my room for a little bit before deciding to go get breakfast at a nearby restaurant (Flayva's Bar and Grill, same place where I booked the Barton Creek trip) and use their wifi to surf the internet and get ideas on return ticket prices. I ate the 'Belizean Special' breakfast, which consisted of Chicken Stew, some refried beans, salsa, tortillas, and fruit. I also had two cups of coffee while I read news, researched airline prices, and posted a blog.

After returning to my room and dropping off my computer, I decided to go buy a new book. Something lighthearted, since I couldn't get into War and Peace too much (not a big fan of reading about war) and the other book Ethics of Ambiguity is slow going and I have to take it in small doses. There was a used bookstore near my hostel and I searched through there meager selection until I found a thriller that looked interesting.

I went back to my room and planned the next few days of my trip, determining how much money I would need, where I would stay and what I should do. I planned to go to Xunantunich the next day, buy the cheapest ticket during happy hour at the one American food restaurant with the free wifi (while drinking of course), and take it easy for the rest of the day.

When three o'clock came around, I headed down to the restaurant with my laptop, ordered a beer and bought my ticket. I was there for two hours surfing the internet, drinking four beers over the course of my stay. Exciting, I know.

I went back to my room and wasted time there for a little bit until I began to feel hungry so I decided to try a restaurant that was highly praised in my guidebook, but I had just that day spotted the sign for, Ervas. It was a small little place and when I walked inside I was the only person in the whole establishment besides the three people working. I sat down, ordered some stewed chicken with rice and beans and a beer and watched some news on the tv while I waited.

The waiter brought me a beer and after two sips I wasn't getting anything. It was frozen solid! I asked for a new one and the waiter brought me a cold but unfrozen beer. Soon my food arrived and yes, it was delicious. The rice and beans were topped by a fried plantain banana and they had a house hotsauce which was onions in some liquid that had soaked in habanero peppers for an unspecified amount of time. I was very impressed and the food was not that expensive either. After paying, I walked up and down the main streets to see if there was anything going on. Disappointed, I returned to my room where I read a little and watched some episodes of Breaking Bad on my computer (which is a really addictive show).

I guess I could make more of my experience. I am not really doing much but I feel like an idiot going to places by myself. It is hard for me to talk to people, so I prefer to be by myself in my room, where there is nothing to do.


The next day I woke up and I was actually cold for the first time since coming down here. I looked outside and the sky was overcast and dreary. It rained all day which pretty much ruined my plans to go to Xunantunich.

Tomorrow I head back to Belize City, where I will stay for a night and then early the next morning catch a flight back to the states. This is probably my last entry for this trip.